I'm sorry you had that experience. I think you're right that noticing absence is indeed difficult.
Remembering absence once it's been pointed out is also difficult. Friends keep trying to contact me on FB despite having been told I'm gone. Loved ones may or may not notice that I'm addressed in a group message and think to pass along any info.
I do have one person in my life who is pretty consistent about noticing things like that and making sure I hear about them. She has passed along news of mutual friends; she has asked event hosts "I see you sent this to CJ, did you remember she's not on FB?, would you like me to forward the info?" She's very proactive about it and I see it as an immense sign of caring.
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Remembering absence once it's been pointed out is also difficult. Friends keep trying to contact me on FB despite having been told I'm gone. Loved ones may or may not notice that I'm addressed in a group message and think to pass along any info.
I do have one person in my life who is pretty consistent about noticing things like that and making sure I hear about them. She has passed along news of mutual friends; she has asked event hosts "I see you sent this to CJ, did you remember she's not on FB?, would you like me to forward the info?" She's very proactive about it and I see it as an immense sign of caring.