I am hammered; whining; not on LJ much.

[cjsmith]

I had six quizzes last week: two in chem, one in chem lab, two in bio lab, and one in physics. There will be three exams this week, one for each class.

[LJ-CUT TEXT="Here there be whining"]
Chemistry is turning out to be my killer class. I thought it would be bio, but so far it's chem. (Ask me again after that bio exam, though.) Chem homework is a couple hours every time (3x/week), lab writeups are impossible to do well enough to get a good grade (she often doesn't say ahead of time what she does and doesn't want to see), and after getting perfect scores on all previous quizzes, I flunked the one on Wednesday. A two-question quiz, this one began by asking the formula for sodium phosphate and built from there. I'd forgotten the charge on the phosphate ion. I got one point (out of the possible ten) for remembering how to do oxidation numbers.

So last week was hell. I even went to talk to my chem teacher on drop date: hey, I need to learn this stuff, but I also need an A-, and if you think there's no hope for me I need to drop TODAY. She said "oh, please don't drop; it's looking like you're my A student." Umm, with a grade of ONE on a ten-point quiz? With every section of my lab report always losing half a point for something I didn't know ahead of time? But I'm a chump and easily swayed by persuasion, so I went with it. The good news is that if this gamble pays off it won't cost me another quarter of prep schooling before applying to vet school. The bad news is that I am not at all certain that I do have a good shot at that A or A-. (Also, this choice means I'm still taking three exams this week. Eh. That means I missed a party last night, with people I would really have enjoyed seeing, to study chem. I know I better get used to that kind of thing, but it's still a bummer.)

Obviously, this week bids fair to be worse than last. Next week may be better if my exam scores come back looking good. Or I might wig out and run away from this whole thing. I really don't have much of a sense of perspective right about now.[/LJ-CUT]

In short, I'm overwhelmed. I read LJ about once a week. I haven't replied to some thoughtful replies to last Sunday's entry. I apologize. I'm not even remotely catching up, except for a few key folk. I apologize for that too, but that's what's happening and it's not likely to change soon. I learn about how Rob is doing by reading LJ, so that one I've got to keep up with. I wish I were joking. With his master's program in astronomy, his flight instruction, and the occasional full weekend square dance commitment with its hundreds of hours of prep, he's slogging as heavily as I am. I last saw him awake... um... I HAD TO THINK ABOUT THAT.

Anyway. I'll live, I'll get used to things, and as time goes on I'll stop griping, but I miss you guys. And cross your fingers or light candles or something for me and chemistry.

Comments

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear you are so stressed out. I know what it is like to always have something that has to be done. :( And I'm also sorry that you are so far behind on LJ. In your honor, I will make a point not to post this week just like I have not posted for the last 11 or 12 weeks. ;)

I'm glad you went and talked to your professor. While it doesn't seem like her advice has set your mind totally at ease, I am sure it was honest and heartfelt advice. And it is good to know she has faith in you. I look back over many, many years of education and there were a lot of good times and some bad ones, and a whole lot of things I might do differently if I had it to do over again. :) But the one thing that I would never change was the time junior year that I walked up to Dr. Szyld and asked him to sign my slip to drop his Numerical Analysis class. He refused (nicely!), made me promise to give it another month and then wouldn't let me leave class each day until I had gone through everything with him again to make sure I got it. Looking back, that was a turning point in my education.

Anyway, that story might not apply to you, but I wanted to offer you some encouragement. Hang in there, and I'll be thinking of you. (*hugs*)

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

Gah. I dropped numerical analysis twice during my PhD. I finally managed to pass the third time. It was required to pass one of the comps. I wish I had had your professor!

[mapache]

Sorry to hear you're so frantically busy. (We would have liked to see you too, and our cheese fondue was in no way overly salty.)

[kimatha.livejournal.com]

Chemistry is really time-consuming. I remember that from undergrad.

[allanh.livejournal.com]

You're working towards a goal you've wanted for a long time. The fact that it's really, really hard right now will only make it sweeter once you attain that goal.

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

Argh, I'm sorry it's so stressful. I hate feeling like there's no way to do well, and I remember that feeling well from college.

This semester, I'm taking an 'information strategy' class, which is basically how to do good research on the web. The last week or two it's been Pubmed and Medline, and boy, what a great and useful thing, though I don't quite understand everything, so I'm not yet using the tools to the fullest extent. This is so useful for my job and what I want to do.

Nonetheless, I'm tired and stressed. But you definitely win, I'm sorry to say. :(

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

On the other side of the coin, I'm wishing I'd taken NA rather than the PDE class I'm in, because I'm thinking now it will be more beneficial to me during my PhD for my modeling work. Especially since the equations that govern atmospheric dynamics can only be solved that way and we won't cover their type at all in the PDE class I'm in.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're having a rough week and a rougher one is ahead. I don't have too many words of wisdom, even though I've been through similar ones. I'm crossing my fingers and toes for your chemistry class. *hugs*

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

I wish you had had my professor, too. That guy saved my life. Of course, it's somewhat easier to see that now. At the time, I remember standing there thinking "No? What do you mean, no? You're not allowed to not sign, are you??" And I may have grumbled about him once or twice during that month. :)

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Once I left the PhD program and ended up in the job I am now, I came to the sad realization that I would probably spend the rest of my life not using any math I had learned after sophomore year. But I never regret the modeling techniques and general problem solving I picked up during those years.

[ame-chan.livejournal.com]

That's a really tough semester load. *hug* No wonder you're so stressed. It is going to be so worth it for vet school, but man, it sucks when you're in it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow. Dr. Szyld seems like the kind of teacher everyone would want when they're struggling. He took a lot of extra time to make sure you were doing okay, time he probably noticed was gone during his own busy schedule. That's great. What a gift.

And thanks for the LJ show of support! ;-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh dang, you even had fondue! Well, please be assured that my absence in no way reflects how much I would have enjoyed seeing all of you.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The "sad" (good?) thing is that I'm really getting better at working some of these problems by doing all that homework. It's repetitive, it's mind-numbing, it feels like make-work, and it's improving me. Sigh. Why does the prof have to be right?

Now if only doing all that homework would get these annoying oxoanions into my head.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I sure hope so. At the very least, even if I don't reach the goal I will be able to say I gave it my best.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That's it exactly; you've put your finger on it. "Feeling like there's no way to do well" is miserable.

Hey, taking a class while working full time is up there on the stressmeter. I'm sorry to hear you're tired and stressed too. That's no fun. I'm glad the class is directly applicable to your work! It must feel reassuring, at least, through the stress, to know you're doing a very good and useful thing.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I hear ya. Thanks. This would all be ten times less stressful if I weren't grade-grubbing, but I absolutely have to, so... gah. And your example continues to be inspirational. If you can make this huge change, maybe I can too. *hugsback*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It is a big load, yeah. The counselor advised against it. I have no idea when and whether I'll ever learn to listen to academic counselors.

Fortuately I can (mostly) do physics with my eyes closed. That takes it down to two lab-science classes with a chunk of free time merely removed, which is way better than three classes wherein I struggle.

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

*lighting candles for chem mojo*

Take care of yourself, hon.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

I hear ya on the grade-grubbing. I very much needed to do that for a while, too. Even now, when I'm well past the need for it, it's hard to let go.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can imagine how that will be true for me as well. The grade is the quantitative representation of how much and how well we've learned, so after all the hard work, we *want* that feedback. Not to mention that it's a great ego boost to get a high grade.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the mojo! You take care too, 'kay?

[tiger-spot.livejournal.com]

Would studying company be helpful? I probably won't be terribly useful at answering questions that come up (it's been quite some time since I took any chemistry), but I could help you review if you had flashcards or something prepared. Or I could sit quietly and work on my cross-stitch project and just be company.

(Or not, if you study better alone. I remember it being good for my focus in college, though, if there were other people around doing more or less the same thing. Sort of a peer-pressure effect.)

Also, I found a neat big candle while unpacking a mystery box the other day, and put in on the dining table as a centerpiece. We can light it at dinner tonight and dedicate it to you and chemistry.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It probably would, actually, if for no other reason than to keep me on track. I'm currently taking a break from chem studying in order to do my chem lab writeup, which is of course due the same day, and that required e-mail to my prof, which left me here at the computer... and so it goes. I'm getting back to it RIGHT NOW I PROMISE.

And thank you for the candle idea! That is awesome. I will light one here, too, although it may not be a big or neat candle. Me, I will think of the support of friends. :-)

[tiger-spot.livejournal.com]

I have discovered that other people are very helpful in getting the cross-stitch done, too. Someone sitting there expecting me to work on it is extraordinarily motivating somehow. :)

Mondays and Fridays are particularly good days for me, because I'm not at work all day. Though right now I seem to be coming down with something, so I should maybe not make plans until it becomes clear whether or not I'm actually sick. Send me e-mail in a couple days?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how we respond to others' expectations! We must promise to harness this power only for good. :-)

Mondays and Fridays are also excellent for me; Fridays, in particular, I have only one class.

I hope you're not truly getting sick. Good luck fighting it off before it becomes awful. Being sick is the pits.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

sounds like it's going to be a long, hard semester! hope it improves from here on out. *hug*

also, nice to know you're the professor's A student :)

[jcgbigler.livejournal.com]

If the prof says you're his A student, he probably means it. I'd bet most people bombed the quiz.

What's his lab report format? If he's asking for journal article-style reports, you might find my formal lab report rubric (http://www.mrbigler.com/documents/rubric-report.PDF) (in checklist form) to be helpful. (Feel free to also read the manifesto (http://www.mrbigler.com/documents/report-style-guide.html) that goes with it if you like.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

She did say that most people bombed the quiz. There's also a small phrase with big potential lurking in the first-day handout: "The point values required for each letter grade may be lower than the number shown, but will not be higher." There may be some tweaking of the conversion between points earned throughout the class and letter grade, at the end of the quarter, based on overall class performance. Now I merely have to hope that everyone else bombs more than I do. :-)

Thanks for the lab report info! We're not doing journal-style abstracts, but a lot of the other sections are similar. One frustrating thing is that it's all required to be handwritten into the lab notebook. My hand aches.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Definitely a toughie. The following quarters aren't going to look any better, either, not until summer or fall 2009. Fingers crossed!

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

I forgot to mention this one earlier, and since I know you're skimming and/or missing a lot of LJ and don't know if you saw it... Speaking of grades, check out my 1st math test of the semester (http://quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com/883844.html). :-)

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Indeed, he was amazing. I'm sure he didn't save my life and he didn't really even save my career at Temple, considered I went elsewhere for most of my grad work, but he definitely changed my life.

And you are very much welcome. :)

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

Happy to light a candle and/or burn incense on your behalf.

I'm very tempted to list some of the many blessings and strengths implied in your story -- but I don't want to sound pollyannaish (the pain and difficulty are certainly real too).

I can't really imagine what it would take for me to take a chemistry class. I don't have any of the background to understand it -- I'd have to start way back and work up to it. I don't even know if I **could** get there -- if I did manage it, I imagine it would take time before I could BEGIN chemistry (and of course then it would be a very introductory class.) This doesn't make your situation easier, but it does point to a few of the places where you are gifted and blessed. The teacher's comment is funny and sweet -- and I'm not so surprised. It's likely you are at or near the top of the class in dedication. Not that THAT makes it easier either.....

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I did indeed see it, though it now feels like that was about a month ago. What a great day-after-your-birthday gift, eh? *rueful grin*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am certainly blessed in general in the maths and sciences. (Well, simple maths. After calc my grades dive so badly they make a spectacular crater.) It's a strength that I can use to do things like, oh, change my life! Go to vet school! That is indeed a blessing.

One awkward thing about this chemistry class is that it seems to be unsure whether it's introductory or not. We started with "what is matter? what is an atom?" but she's also assuming we know off the top of our heads what permanganate is. And we're moving more rapidly than I would guess a true first chemistry course would move. It's a very odd mix. I am now REALLY GLAD the department made me take that placement test. Without that refresher of high school chemistry I'd be absolutely sunk right now.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

It was more than a bit deflating, but, especially after some discussions with other students around my department and my advisor, I'm not losing sleep over it. The math prof just posted homework #4 today (in the middle of fall break, oh joy), though, which fills me with about as much dread as #s 1 through 3 did. :-/

[jcgbigler.livejournal.com]

I see. That means you you'll probably be able to make better use of my lab notebook rubric (http://www.mrbigler.com/documents/rubric-experiment.PDF) and my lab notebook & experimental design style guide (http://www.mrbigler.com/documents/designing-recording-experiments.html).

I also have my students hand-write everything in their lab notebooks, but I don't make them copy out procedures longhand before the experiment. They don't get anything out of the mindless word-for-word copying, and they still end up with their noses buried in the procedure. Instead, I give them tools, techniques, and a problem to solve in the lab. They come up with the experiment to solve the problem, and they record both the procedure and the data as they perform the experiment. (This is much more similar to the way lab notebooks work in an actual research lab.)

[leback.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry life is so overwhelming right now. If you're like me, the slog will get easier when you're actually in vet school and studying the things that really enthuse you. Meanwhile, it's just a matter of hanging in there. It sounds like you're well on your way to a successful quarter, and I know you've got the fortitude to get the rest of the way through it. I will be thinking of you.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think you're right that it's going to get easier, or at least more enjoyable, when I'm doing "the cool stuff". Fortunately, I knew ahead of time that this couple of years would be a long slog.

Good luck to you on your journey as well! (And hey, what ever happened with the potential move?)

[leback.livejournal.com]

Thank you! For me, at this point, grad school is as much destination as journey -- I'm doing the work I want to do, with the support of awesome mentors. The only thing that changes when I finish my degree is that (hopefully) I start getting paid for it. :-)

We wound up deciding to buy the house, and just ignore the pet policy. After going over the last several years' worth of board meeting minutes, newsletters, and so forth, we concluded that whatever the CC&Rs say, it's not an issue that actually interests people in the community -- the only reference at all that we found to pet-related regulation was a reminder to people to clean up after their dogs. (Our point of comparison is that the minutes and newsletters suggest that they're relatively anal about landscaping sorts of things, but actually looking around, even that doesn't seem like they do much real *enforcement*.) Combine that with the facts that our immediate neighbors-to-be seem very cat friendly, and that my beasts are unlikely to make themselves seen outside much anyway, and the threat of problems seems extremely remote. I would rather have 100% certainty, but then, few things in this life are guaranteed, anyway -- so this winds up as just another in the pile of worst-case scenarios that already includes things like "Where would we all go if the house burned down?" Not a pleasant prospect, but if it happened, we'd manage.