Curmudgeon, Part II

[cjsmith]

Know what else I'm losing patience with?

- People who EAT MY CHOCOLATE. Listen, folks, this is the only snack in the building that I can currently safely eat. You guys can eat any of the free stuff provided by the company, not only the snacks but also the free lunches provided once a week. I can't eat any of it. Leave my 85% very-low-sugar chocolate alone. It's not hard to tell which is which; the free snacks are in the break area and my chocolate is sitting on my desk.

- People who seriously, totally, MISS THE POINT, either semi-deliberately or because they're simply too wrapped up in themselves to hear what is being said. Let's skip simple e-mail misunderstandings; how about shortening just about every business meeting ever held to half or a third the time?

- Abdominal pain. YAY for better living through chemistry, but holy moly, can I be DONE with this now? I am not going to use these pieces-parts! Not going to happen! Leave me alone!

- Example code that DOES NOT COMPILE, and when massaged until it compiles, DOES NOT RUN. I could eat a handful of ones and zeros and... eh, you know the rest of the quote.

OK. I feel better now.

Sheesh. And this isn't even a Monday.

Comments

[tiger-spot.livejournal.com]

Chocolate thieves! Poison 'em!

(Okay, maybe a slight overreaction. But only slight!)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Only slight! GRRRRRRR!

[mapache]

Me, I would put a nice sharp knife nearby, maybe tie it to the chocolate with a piece of string, and put up a sign with "If you steal this chocolate, I will stab you with this knife." Maybe add "If you steal the knife, I will beat you with the chocolate. If you steal both and/or this sign, I will kill you with my brain."

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

This gets double points for creativity value AND threat level! :-)

[airporter.livejournal.com]

Speaking as one without the addiction, but with a strong appreciation for good chocolate, hide your stash and put out chocolate ex-lax.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

No kidding!

I'm not sure I'd have qualified as addicted before this wonky diet, but now that I am dramatically restricting what I eat, that chocolate saves my sanity. I am depressingly thrown off kilter today by the fact that my chocolate was gone this morning.

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

That's pretty rude.

There really is chocolate ex-lax you know. You could put it out :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm realizing that basically, when you get right down to it, people are pretty rude. Fortunately some people try to overcome it.

I doubt anybody's going to be taken in by ex-lax in place of my lovely 85% Dark, but I admit I'm amused by the image!

[tiger-spot.livejournal.com]

I doubt anybody's going to be taken in by ex-lax in place of my lovely 85% Dark

Mmm... swap the wrappers and see what happens. You know, for science!

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

I would soooo do this.

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

If nothing else, perhaps it would make the point. You could put a note saying "To the person who ate my chocolate - these are for you! Please eat them all at once!"

[psi-star-psi.livejournal.com]

I'd be appalled by this, but I remember David Bower's hot sauce. I think that, in retrospect, was a clear signal that Spice had gotten too big.

My only defense is that when I wander into someone's cube and eat their chocolate, at least I do it in front of them. And I've usually been invited. Never invite a choco-vampire into your cube. You give up all power over them.

C.J., do you have any security cameras near your cube? It might make for some fascinating discussion at the next all-hands...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I don't remember David Bower's hot sauce. What happened?

And yeah, 99% of the time I don't mind when someone eats my snacks. I've invited half the company to snarf teabags from my varied collection whenever they like. I might even have happily handed over the chocolate if someone had asked. But to show up and find it gone... right this moment, when that and my lunch is what I'm going to have until I leave... I was peeved.

I don't have security cameras near my cube. I could install one, but then at the next all-hands I'd have to fast forward past any time I scratched where it itches.

[psi-star-psi.livejournal.com]

David kept a bottle of super-intense hot sauce in his cube, something like "Dave's Kick-Ass Hot Sauce". It was cute. He'd take it down from the shelf, show it off, and put it back. It was sealed, because it was way too dangerous to actually use.

One (late) night I stopped by his cube, and we fiddled with the bottle of hot sauce as we had many times before. Just as I was putting it back, he said, "Joe, don't wipe your eyes with your hands. The bottle has been opened, and there's sauce around the rim. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to the restroom to flush my eyes since I just got hot sauce in them."

Some clueless moron had opened the sauce, messed around with it, and put it back. A day or two later, we got the HR nastygram to stay the goddam hell out of other peoples' cubes and don't screw with their stuff. At least, that's what it should have said. It was couched more politely than was justified.

That's probably about the point when Spice tipped over from a collection of adults into a standard corporate kindergarten. Sounds like your place has hit the transition too. My condolences.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Holy moly. Yeah, that's appalling behavior too.

Kindergarten is a great description for it, and yes, we have indeed tipped over. Twelve employees = mostly adults. Thirty = kindergarten. It's really too bad.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

When they stop flushing the toilet(s), that's when you're really back in kindergarten. That one used to really make me feel confident I was working with adults.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

In my building we can't blame the humans for that one. Randomly, the toilets need multiple flushes. (Randomly, they even look like they're going to be fine until the very end of the cycle.)

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Dear god. How... yuck.

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Argh!

I hate food thieves.

Any chance there is cj safe food you could ask them to include in the list of snacks? Would that make things even slightly better?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It probably would. When we get more peanuts in, that'll help; those are usually on the list of snacks, but we've been out of them. I'm not really coming up with much other snacky stuff (sold in the US, anyway) that don't include starch or sugar. Veggies wouldn't last. Today I brought in my smokehouse almonds and a bunch more chocolate -- and I'm gonna hide it all. :-)