How not to give a cat an injection

[cjsmith]

1. Do not forget to pick up a sharps container. I do not care if your crock pot is both sterilizable and sturdy.

2. When you pull the cap off the needle, do not twitch and stab your own finger so hard that the needle gets bent.

3. When drawing insulin out of the bottle into the needle, do not flick the syringe with a fingertip like the vet-tech did to get air bubbles out of it. You are not a trained professional. A needle knocked against the inside of the bottle and angled off at thirty or forty degrees to the syringe does not help anyone.

4. Yes, you do have to find the cat. Preferably now.

5. Do not put her favorite treats down in the middle of the floor. I know this may come as a shock to you, but soon she is going to want to leave. Try putting the treats in a corner.

6. This would be a good time to chase off the snitty alpha cat who steals treats.

7. But don't scare the cat you're trying to inject.

8. If you are going to take a long time to mess about with the plunger to see you're not in a vein, make sure the cat has enough treats to keep her occupied. Or else dedicate one of your hands to keeping hold of her. A cat traipsing through the house with a needle hanging off her shoulder is only funny later.

9. Now is a bad time to faint.

10. When disposing of the needle afterwards, do not stab yourself again. Are you sure you're allowed out in public unsupervised?

Comments

[juverna.livejournal.com]

Oy!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I am rapidly learning how not to be a klutz, and Duchess is *very* patient! :)

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Dammit, girlfriend, I wish I was there to give her shots. I know how you feel about needles. Wouldn't we make a good medical team? I could give her shots, and if she started to bleed, you could take over. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Works for me! :)

[tattermuffin.livejournal.com]

oh dear!! Is your finger ok?

Time to come up with a way of giving insulin by mouth I think!

[palecur.livejournal.com]

The first person to figure that one out is going to rake in a eerily large pile of money. Peptides don't fare well in the intestinal tract. Not that it doesn't stop people from trying, mind, because a convoy of dump trucks full of money is a powerful incentive ;)

[ericainohio.livejournal.com]

*snicker behind hand* Sorry, I'm not laughing at you. But I am. :-D

I cannot imagine what a pain in the ass this is. You are a good cat mommy.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It was indeed intended to be funny! Most of these are goofs I made once, early on, and haven't repeated. I added a new goof this morning - taking the cap off in such a way that I bent the needle right then and had to toss it immediately. (Dang those needles are fragile and those caps are tight.)

[dafydd.livejournal.com]

Awwww! :(

If I were down there, I'd teach you how to play with needles... :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's OK to laugh. It's intended to be funny. :)

Thank you - that's the nicest offer I've had all day. I'll get better at it on my own, just... more slowly!

[perfect-autumn.livejournal.com]

awww

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's OK if you're laughing as well as "awww" ing :)

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Sharps container handy?

[dizzdvl.livejournal.com]

To put the needles in when they have been used.

[dizzdvl.livejournal.com]

You are a good kitty mommy! I would have to bribe my sister to do that. I don't like needles.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I don't either. My sister's arms aren't long enough though ;-) (she's in Boston).

I'm getting better. I figured I should record these goofs for people's amusement, and for my own later hilarity, before I started to forget them!

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Oh, gods! I read that half in horror, and half in hysterics.

Perhaps kevlar gloves would be appropriate?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you laughed. I hoped it would be funny. I think cement gloves might be a good start! ;-)

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

awwww - hope you both got through that without too much residual trauma!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! At least I haven't made all these goofs all at once. I collected them over about ten days. :)

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

makeshift sharps container = emptied out liquid laundry detergent bottle, if you happen to use liquid laundry detergent. my gramma did that for years. don't know about disposal, though.

and ***big hugs*** to you. i can't even begin to imagine how rough this must be. i'm only choking down pills :( i'd be there in a flash to help, but i can't find the damn keys to the teleporter...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh cool. And I liked the crock pot solution, too!

It's not as rough as I'm making it sound. I have made most of these goofs, but not all at once, and I haven't repeated any of them. Haven't stabbed myself in a week. I figured I'd better put down all this slapstick comedy before I started to forget. :)

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

Seems we're allowed to dispose of sharps in a closed, thick-walled plastic container. At least that's what my bet told us.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Coolness. I did finally pick up a sharps container, but I will honestly record my mistakes for the general amusement of others! :-)

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh, *HUGS*! Good for you (and Duchess) for hanging in there....

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I wrote it down for the humor factor. I don't seem to be repeating any of these blunders, so I figured I'd better get it written soon!

And I thought giving tortoises injections was a pain in the ass ...

[allanh.livejournal.com]

OMFG PLEASE STOP! I'm HURTING, I'm laughing so hard.

(Envisioning a desert tortoise dragging a syringe sticking out of its shoulder around the yard, and bursting into laughter again.)

(CLUMP. *drag* CLUMP.*drag* ...)

Oh.

My.

Thank you.

I know this isn't the reaction other people probably thought you were aiming for, but I thought this was hysterically funny ... and on a HIGHLY depressing, icky m*o*v*i*n*g day, this was EXACTLY what I needed when I sat down for a break from packing.

My internal six year old thanks your internal six year old.

[wiping eyes again] Oh DEAR....

Re: And I thought giving tortoises injections was a pain in the ass ...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm HURTING, I'm laughing so hard.

YESSSS! Oh good, I'm glad I did manage to make it funny. These are all (most of 'em) real goofs I made, but at least I didn't make them all at once. Mashed together it's almost an Abbott and Costello routine, isn't it? Or maybe Moe, Larry, and Curly. :)

[airporter.livejournal.com]

I'm with allanh. Thank you so much. I've been chuckling since I started reading, half thinking I wish I was there to record the lokks on your face as these events occurred, and the other thinking I wouldn't have been capable of holding the camera steady.

I wish you and Duchess well - it's sounds like you're doing fine so far. And as for the needle sticking out of the shoulder, how fast is Duchess anyway? Tortoises, you'll recall are drag ass slow. :>

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I have been informed that I make excellent facial expressions. :-)

Duchess is faster than a tortoise, but I have a long enough body that I just sort of sprang out and could get my arms around her chest. She didn't get far!

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

I went to Sunnyvale Recycling today and noticed they had a huge sharps disposal dumpster there.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh cool! Maybe THAT'S where I'm expected to take these things. Another question for the vet tomorrow. :)

[kimatha.livejournal.com]

hee hee!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Almost all of them are true, too, just not all at once! :) At least I'm getting better!

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

Oh CJ ... I was so relieved to see that these mishaps didn't all happen on the same day!! And I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I was delighted to see that laughter was the right reaction! It's funnier than the "how to give a cat a pill (http://www.mamarocks.com/how_to_give_your_cat_a_pill.htm)" joke because it's true ... I'm glad you're able to laugh about it.

Is it getting better?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

DEFinitely getting better. I haven't stabbed myself in nearly a week, and the concept of sticking a needle into a living creature I care about has become almost routine. I'm learning a lot about the ways in which those needles / syringes are fragile.

I'm almost afraid to ask... how's Friday? (No need to reply here if you're making a post -- I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and of him.)

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

Oh, hilarious. Oh, thankyouthankyou.

Last week I got to have fun with giving a cat pills. Of course, the better he got, the harder he could resist. And the vet made it look *so*easy*, too.

(Actually, I learned The Vet Trick, which I'll post about over at genderfur.livejournal.com)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Pills I can do, oddly enough. Maybe I'll get good at this needle thing in a decade or two ;-)

[nosrednayduj]

10. When disposing of the needle afterwards, do not stab yourself again.

And THEN, 6 months later, when you're out giving blood (which perhaps you don't do, if you have a needle phobia), get asked "Have you ever had an accidental needle stick?" during intake, and have to answer "yes" and explain the path the needle took (bottle of insulin, cat, self) and how unlikely it is to have transmitted AIDS. They did let me give blood.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes, I think I can probably give blood again - it's been that long since I did anything interesting. (If I remember right a trip to the continent of Africa gets you a year.)

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

*grins* the only thing that could have made this better is if David had taken pics to illustrate it all ;)

((hugs)) to you for being such a good kitty mommy, and entertaining LJ friend :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ooo, a David photo-essay on this would have been superb!

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

5. Do not put her favorite treats down in the middle of the floor. I know this may come as a shock to you, but soon she is going to want to leave. Try putting the treats in a corner.

Did you try doing homework or sorting out bills to file? My cat loses interest in toys and treats after 12 seconds, but laying on paper I really need to get to amuses him for hours on end. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Not sure that would do it when a needle is being waved around, but I know exactly what you mean!

Duchess has gotten to the point where any time I open the fridge she comes promptly to the kitchen. Insulin is in the fridge, so two fridge-door-opens per day she's right to expect treats!