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115 comments later (yikes!)
Holy moly! So after much conversation (thank you, everyone!), it's clear there are indeed a few things I'm doing to create this LJ-centric social life.
1. I don't like spending a long time getting somewhere.
This item is top of the list by far. If I'm invited to go somewhere that's an hour away from me, then I balance the two hours' round trip time against how well I know people there, how much fun I think the event is, how much work I have to do, whether I've seen much of Rob lately, whether Rob can or would want to go, my inherent laziness, whether I'm short on sleep, whether I think I can park near enough to baby my feet... and far far more often than not I wind up not going.
As I said in a comment to someone somewhere, being ten minutes away from a person means "Hey, I have a half hour free, want to drop by?" By contrast, being a half hour away means "I think I have some time late next week." An hour, sheesh: "How about after [my software release | NaNo is over | the holidays]?" This makes a big difference.
Now that I've identified this, I can make clearer decisions. I can invite people to my place, I can suggest events that are more centrally located where I can meet people, I can relax my driving "standards", I can accept the effect my driving "standards" have on my social life (likely), heck I can even think about moving (unlikely).
2. I get enough of my "social interaction" needs met through LJ that I become lazy about seeking in-person contact. Easy enough to tinker with, pay attention to, tweak over time.
3. I am more open online than in person. It's easier for me to talk about my hopes and fears here than face to face. Guess what: people who don't know me here on LJ don't feel they know me as well. Shocker. :-) This, too, is something that I can pay attention to over time, and shift if I like.
4. I don't make the first move. There's some fear in this. Will I live up to my friendly, likable online persona? Will the other person reject me? Will the other person want a lot more from me than I'm prepared to deliver? (Hey, I didn't say my fears were rational.) There's some laziness in this, too. I *am* busy -- it's quarter to nine as I type this paragraph and I'm at work -- and oftentimes, much as I'd love some low-key company, I just don't have the energy left in me to go do something about it.
In addition to some increased awareness there's one other thing this conversation has given me: I am immensely cheered up. Thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. I was very grumpy this morning. I was angry with myself and with my feet, I was feeling hurt and alone and isolated and was a little angry at myself for that too, I was swamped with work... and now I'm fairly cheerful and only swamped with work. :-) LJ *does* do well for some kinds of social interaction. Having all these conversation-threads really gave me a boost. Thanks.
1. I don't like spending a long time getting somewhere.
This item is top of the list by far. If I'm invited to go somewhere that's an hour away from me, then I balance the two hours' round trip time against how well I know people there, how much fun I think the event is, how much work I have to do, whether I've seen much of Rob lately, whether Rob can or would want to go, my inherent laziness, whether I'm short on sleep, whether I think I can park near enough to baby my feet... and far far more often than not I wind up not going.
As I said in a comment to someone somewhere, being ten minutes away from a person means "Hey, I have a half hour free, want to drop by?" By contrast, being a half hour away means "I think I have some time late next week." An hour, sheesh: "How about after [my software release | NaNo is over | the holidays]?" This makes a big difference.
Now that I've identified this, I can make clearer decisions. I can invite people to my place, I can suggest events that are more centrally located where I can meet people, I can relax my driving "standards", I can accept the effect my driving "standards" have on my social life (likely), heck I can even think about moving (unlikely).
2. I get enough of my "social interaction" needs met through LJ that I become lazy about seeking in-person contact. Easy enough to tinker with, pay attention to, tweak over time.
3. I am more open online than in person. It's easier for me to talk about my hopes and fears here than face to face. Guess what: people who don't know me here on LJ don't feel they know me as well. Shocker. :-) This, too, is something that I can pay attention to over time, and shift if I like.
4. I don't make the first move. There's some fear in this. Will I live up to my friendly, likable online persona? Will the other person reject me? Will the other person want a lot more from me than I'm prepared to deliver? (Hey, I didn't say my fears were rational.) There's some laziness in this, too. I *am* busy -- it's quarter to nine as I type this paragraph and I'm at work -- and oftentimes, much as I'd love some low-key company, I just don't have the energy left in me to go do something about it.
In addition to some increased awareness there's one other thing this conversation has given me: I am immensely cheered up. Thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. I was very grumpy this morning. I was angry with myself and with my feet, I was feeling hurt and alone and isolated and was a little angry at myself for that too, I was swamped with work... and now I'm fairly cheerful and only swamped with work. :-) LJ *does* do well for some kinds of social interaction. Having all these conversation-threads really gave me a boost. Thanks.
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