The mental/emotional side of owie feet

[cjsmith]

Surgery recovery has involved getting help from people in various ways. I, raised to be independent and fiercely self-reliant, am not comfortable on the receiving-help side of things. I'm not necessarily good at receiving help gracefully, I'm not happy knowing I need (or would be far better off with) it, and I'm not skilled at negotiating how best to meet my needs *and* those of my helper.

Surgery recovery has involved me talking a helluva lot and other people listening a helluva lot. I seem to have a bottomless need/desire to be heard and understood. I'm simultaneously trying to remain within the bounds of socially acceptable behavior (eg don't take over the whole conversation at lunch) while basking in this listening that others are giving me like a gift. I wonder what it would be like to have that need/desire of mine fully met? How would I act once I'd gotten there? Would I listen more and listen better to others? Could be.

During this time I've been more comfortable doing unusual things in order to take care of myself a little. Foot aches? Fine, prop it right up there on the desk next to my keyboard. Tired? Go ahead and put my head down on my arms for a few breaths, even at work during working hours. Why am I less willing to do these things when I haven't had foot surgery recently? There's nothing wrong with them. Customers don't walk past my desk. There are no rules about posture for the engineer types while we're in our little dens.

Interesting.

Comments

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Well, gosh, I hate talking at lunch. We should have lunch together. :)

But, really, that's interesting. What do you find yourself talking about? Is it about health and recovery and things related to the surgery? Or is it just general conversation? Do you have any ideas why you suddenyl feel this need to be understood? If the answer is no, that's cool. :) I'm just curious.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Mostly I've been babbling about health and recovery and surgery stuff. I think this is such an adventure for me, such an unusual set of experiences, that I want everyone to know what it's like. Whether THEY want to know or not is an entirely separate question!

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Well, that makes sense. You've been through an awful lot and it's basically life-altering. It's not surprising you're talking about it, if only to help process it all yourself. :)

Besides, a good storyteller never lets the desires of his or her audience get in the way. ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is indeed life-altering in its way. O'course, I'm learning that enough health issues (and the very natural desire to process them) will cost a person quite a few friends before they're done. Hopefully I'll get past the processing SOME time soon!

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Really? That's sad. I suppose in some small way it must be true, ongoing physical problems are hard for people to deal with. So, as much as I hate to admit it, in the grand scheme of things it probably costs you more friends than it gains you, between their feeling weird and your (general your, not your your) inability to participate in certain events. But, still, it sucks and I hope it's not very common. The friends that are still by your side are ones you know you can really count on, at least. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it isn't common for me yet; I've seen others go through worse. On the other hand I'm making new friends who understand, too... it's like entering a new subculture. Very odd.

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

That is kind of odd. A subculture of people that understand physical limitations and conditions. That's not a bad thing, by any stretch of the imagination. But I wonder if it could become very limiting, if taken to an extreme. If your whole life became a circle of friends that shared only their medical problems.

Nah, never mind me. I think and talk too much. :)