I have all the same problems, but I hate online/mail-order clothes shopping even more than in-person clothes shopping because I can't try things on. Maybe if you stick to one store and buy everything from there you can learn your size, but I've tried on 10's that are too small and 8's that are too big -- in the very same trip into the dressing room! Not to mention jeans that aren't made for any woman who is capable of bearing children (i.e., with hips bigger than their waist), and bras that aren't made for women who like to breathe.
Actually, I've had the best luck with . The regular jeans aren't great but their stretch jeans fit me well and look good on me, plus they're very comfortable and inexpensive. What more could you want?! You might give them a try and see if they work as well for you as they do for me.
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Actually, I've had the best luck with