cjsmith | But I did overdo it

Current Mood: frustrated

But I did overdo it

I wrote that geocaching was a good way to get out without overdoing it, but I gotta face up to the fact that I overdid it. I'm still learning what all the signals are. It's very easy for me to not know I'm crossing the line if I've had lots of breaks throughout the day.

My square dance friends were very understanding tonight, and they let me sit and watch them (instead of dancing) while I periodically rested my right forefoot on an ice pack. I sure hope I don't have to give up square dancing. I could take a month off and still be an okay dancer, but if I take six months off I will not be good at it when I return. And it would be very rough on me if I had to quit for years or permanently.

[LJ-CUT TEXT="My mental state"]

I vacillate hugely between periods of hope (I'll find the answer! I'll rest it or ice it or stretch it or massage it or medicate it or get surgery or something, and I'll be able-bodied again!) and periods of despair (why bother doing anything? it'll never get any better). I never did like roller coasters, and emotional ones are no exception.

I've got a slowly growing ball of anger at the entire medical profession. It doesn't help that in doing my 2004 taxes I saw how much money I've spent on this so far. I have no diagnosis, no prognosis, no way to make improvements, no estimate of when I'll have any of these things, and no information about how (eg tests) to get any of these things. No doctor seems even *interested* in a diagnosis or a prognosis. Each doctor I see calls the previous one an idiot, some more politely than others. Each doctor tries his or her own pet theory, charges me a chunk of money, and gets no results. Not a one will admit they don't know and send me along to someone who might. It's as if there's a vast conspiracy trying to PREVENT me from getting any useful medical care of any kind at all. (I know that's not really what's going on, but from the outside it sure does look like it.) To say it's frustrating would be quite the understatement.

(I know, "find another doctor". Anyone want to loan me the money for it, or even suggest a budget limit?)

(Comments about how wonderful YOUR doctor is are not real helpful here, 'k? Unless your doctor is a podiatrist, is in my area, and is taking new patients, in which case please do let me know.)

In fairness, my latest podiatrist has only seen me once. I'll let her know her first attempt isn't working, ask whether she thinks she knows what's wrong, and ask when and how she thinks she WILL know. Also in fairness, my previous podiatrist doesn't know he failed, 'cause his last attempt was so silly that I gave up on him and haven't spoken to him in months. Feedback is a necessary part of all this, so it's my job to tell him I'm still searching. *sigh*

And then, of course, I look around and see that things could be so much worse. I *can* walk a little. I can drive to work and do my work. Perspective, perspective. (But if one more sixty-five-year-old tells me smarmily that I'm "too young to be in this much pain" I just might smack him.)

[/LJ-CUT]

One day at a time, one step at a time. It's all any of us can do I suppose.

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I've often wondered if your problem feet would stop you
from flying? I shouldn't think power aircraft would be
much of a problem, but the extra rudder workload in
gliders might give you some trouble? Hand rudder controls?
Hopefully things will pick up for you, but remember
there are still plently of things you can do even
if pain is limiting your mobility.

Oh dear - I'm sorry this ended up having ill effects after all.

What things might we try to make it easier for you to do this? Shorter periods afield? Longer rests? Drive-ups only?

I honestly wish I knew. It might even have been affected by the previous day's wedding festivities, little as I did there as well. In retrospect I should have used the ice pack I brought along, even though it didn't feel like I needed it right then.

I'm still learning, really...

We can take ice-pack breaks next time, then. And I was wondering if one of those lightweight portable folding stools might help - so that you could sit while sifting through the ivy patches?

I hope you don't too.

::understands this sort of thing::

oh also... I thought quite highly of my podiatrist at Santa Cruz Medical Clinic. not sure of the name, but if it helps (I kjnow he's not REAL close, but it might help you find him?) I'm pretty sure it sounded Indian r from somewhere in that region of the world. I will sit down and try to track him down better if you tell me you would like that, when I am back at the computer this evening.

it occurs to me that you might consider Santa Cruz close enough for your purposes but am not sure?

I'm not sure how often I can get to SCruz but I'd be very happy to have a name. If he is someone who would try to solve a puzzle rather than assuming I have one of the top ten common complaints, he's someone I want on my team!

Thanks bunches for this and just for understanding. I can't imagine how I would hate/need/fear/love the medical establishment were I in your shoes! :-/

lemme look around tonight then :)

*hugs* and kitty-purrs. Wish I could say something more useful, but I can definitely understand your frustration.

I definitely understand the frustration with doctors, and how they seem to all have their constricted viewpoints on what needs to be done and if that doesn't happen to fix you, they lose interest. Or worse, start to assume that some or all of the problem is in your head. On and on. That's what drove me to this elimination diet thing to begin with.

I also understand the vacillation between hope and despair. I've been doing that for more than a decade in regards to my cervical spine problems. (finally, *mostly* fixed, but only partially due to things that doctors did for me. the rest was hit-and-miss experimentation on my own part)

Or worse, start to assume that some or all of the problem is in your head.

Ohhhh yeah. It took until I was 35 to find a doctor who took my monthly pain seriously. TWENTY-FOUR YEARS OF TORTURE, PEOPLE. It sure looks from the outside like they couldn't care less.

What were the things you were trying to fix, that finally led you to try the elimination diet? I'm also curious about what you did to help your neck.

oh, that's going to be a long one. i'm going to write it, though. it might be good to noodle it out, in case there are angles i'm still missing.

*hugs* I don't have any magical words of wisdom. It sucks, and I wish there was something I could do to help, and I just want you to know, while I may not be able to relate exactly to what you're going through with all this, you are in my thoughts.

I hope you don't have to give up square dancing, too. Even if, for whatever reason, we never make it to the Grand Canyon or Half Dome or whatever, that's something attainable I wanted to do with you sometime. :-) *more hugs*

Sometimes I think doctors really don't have a clue, but scramble around for something that sounds good. Then again, I'm still pretty upset with my GP at the moment, so...

Did you find any leads from that site someone posted in my journal when I was bitching about my doc?

I think a big part of the problem is that all of the studies, tests, etc are done and results are presented as they affect an "average" person. Hell, who's average, exactly??

Sadly, they're trained and rewarded for scrambling around rather than solving the problem. In a way I can't fault them for it. They get paid the same amount for my appointment either way, and if they say something that sounds good off the top of their heads, the waiting room queues stay short.

No leads from that site. It has many doctors listed -- most of the ones I've interacted with lately are there -- but not a one of 'em has any feedback or information. In ten years, I figure that site will be excellent. Sadly, it is currently useless.

Ayep -- no one is average. Also, what if you have something that isn't among the top three popular/common complaints? What if you have something unusual? :/

What if you have something unusual? :/

Or have a lot of stuff like me, and no one pays attention to how they interact and look at the whole picture, which is what I thought my GP was supposed to do!

One thing I forgot in my rant about her the other day was she apparently forgot that she sent me to my gyn for the LEEP. She asked me why I was going back to her for a colposcopy. Um, because that's what my gyn wanted to do for a followup, instead of another pap? She's totally forgotten about the entire incident.

Grrrr.

Of you beating the snot out of a 65-year-old, that is. %-}

Courage.

Z

P.S.: I thought that

cyan_blue doesn't walk very far to her 'caches... :-[

There's a couple 65-year-olds I would like to douse with a big bucket of ice water, yeah.

We didn't walk far. Maybe, through the whole day, a mile? I wasn't in great pain at any point, but on Monday the difference was noticeable.

I added up the approximate mileages... The walks to and from the caches (and at the shopping center where we got juice and ice cream) totalled .83 miles. Probably the walking-in-circles at the cache sites themselves makes up the other .17 (at least) - so, yeah, a mile or close to it.

Hoss / Tiki - 1200 feet round trip
Paced - 400 feet round trip
By any other - 300 feet round trip
Wolfe - 400 feet round trip
Free Wifi - 1200 feet round trip
Worst Parking - 400 feet round trip
Diamond - 300 feet round trip
Sports Complex - 200 feet round trip
--------------------------------------
Total 4400 feet
Divided by 5280 feet = .83 mile

Do you know if standing or walking is harder on your feet?

Isn't that crazy? A bunch of hundred-yard-plus walks add up to extra pain *the next day*. Not right then, but the next day. Wow. I sure wish I knew what were really going on. This is going to be hard for me to learn to mange -- I'm a lot better with immediate feedback.

I think walking is harder than standing, but I'm not positive. I suspect walking because of the motion when the heel goes up and there's pressure on the forefoot. But heckifIknow for sure.

All 8 of the caches I chose were within 500 feet of parking, and some were a lot closer. (There *may* have been one that was more like 750 feet, but there were also some that were within 100-200 feet).

I can look for more drive-up caches and see if that helps... fortunately, there's no shortage of those in Sunnyvale.

Also, on some of the caches, you can drive up closer than you can park. (Like the DMV cache and the orchard one, for instance). So we could work it out where I drive as close as one can drive to the cache site, and then drop you off while I go park.

That might work, that and the icing. I really really have to get on the ball with ice. It provides temporary improvement and if I do it enough it just might provide longer-term effects. I have a podiatrist follow-up tomorrow, and I'll ask her what her reasoning was when she told me to use ice.

Just thinking about you and understanding your frsutrations. *hug*

The foot pain does not sound pleasant :/ What exactly happened to your feet? Is it a tear or some unknown thing for which you're seeking treatment?

(My cat

buzzy_mcbuzzer has been pestering me to add you, since she's lazy and tends to read people's lj's through my account. I hope you don't mind me adding you!)

Hi and welcome! I'll add you back.

buzzy_mcbuzzer has been fun to talk to. :)

In late 2003 I started having enough pain in the ball of both feet that I couldn't run, and I even began limping when I walked. By mid '04 it was diagnosed as nerve tumors. Those were supposedly killed by injection. However, the pain's not gone. Maybe the tumors (while definitely present) were a side issue. Basically, nobody knows. I sure wish I could run again some day.

You know, the pain you described sounds very similar to something that's happening to my Great Aunt. She was never diagnosed with nerve tumors though, but it's something that's being investigated.

It seems that she had been on a certain anti-depressant medication for 20-25 years, and then one day she stopped taking it. Shortly afterwards, the pain begun. Obviously it was thought that the pain was related to going off the medication, so she went back on it, but to no avail, the pain was still there, and remains there to this day.

You have my sympathies! I'll let you know if there's any new revelation about her foot problems.

Oh yikes! How annoying that must be. (I suppose I know, eh?)

The nerve tumors I had were Morton's neuroma, benign and absolutely harmless except if they cause pain. I wonder if it's these same things your Great Aunt might have.

I'd love it if you let me know what she learns. On the off chance we have the same cause of our problems, anything she learns could help me! And I know I'll post a lot if I find out anything, too.

I wish her luck. I hope she gets past it, whatever it is.

The medical profession is pissing me off too lately, only I thought it was just Gainesville. I just get a sense that they are not really as competent as they should be. I feel like I had better medical and dental care in Seattle - more high tech, up-to-date care, and assumed that it was because there would naturally be a higher caliber of doctors practicing in a larger metropolitan area.

...there would naturally be a higher caliber of doctors practicing in a larger metropolitan area.

Maybe there is. I've also got several respected medical schools nearby -- maybe I'm seeing the cream of the crop. Isn't THAT scary? :-/

I guess metropolitan areas can support a few bozos as well as a few real gems.

{{{hugs}}}

i can totally relate to the roller-coaster of emotions and the feeling that the entire medical profession doesn't give a whit. it's maddening. wish i had more concrete solutions to offer you, but i don't, so i'll just offer you my support.

Thanks. Yeah, I figure you "get it". :-/

I'm sorry you are going through this. As my as my medical conditions (asthma and allergies, mostly) annoy me, it is almost a blessing to know that are not going to be cured anytime soon. All I want is someone to treat it who takes it seriously and keeps to up date. I left my last doctor because all he would do is renew prescriptions I already had. My doctor keeps trying new medicines and treatments. There's some annoyance factor there and the cost is no small deal, but at least I know we're trying, and there's a chance things will get better. That's nice.

But your situation is different, or so it seems. I don't know anything about your condition and if you'd asked me a month ago I would have been naive enough to assume there was a cure or treatment for it. But it seems there isn't, not that everybody can agree on. And getting a doctor to say 'I don't know' is not an easy thing. Man, I thought cops we're control freaks. (*weak smile*)

Sometimes going to Best Buy is so much easier than going to the doctor. You still get bad service sometimes, but if push comes to shove you can at least find the manager and point out to him that he's can either have your business for one day or for 5 years, and it's his choice. And if he still screws you over, you can tell all your friends not to go to that store. That's the hard part of having an obscure medical condition. You probably don't know ANYBODY within 20 miles of you that has the same thing. Wish you did, though, because I'm sure they would have better advice. Have you looked online for websites or communities or anything like that? I suspect you have.

You're right, though, feedback is a big part of it. And I know it's hard, but you may have to be direct right up front. If you end up switching doctors or even on your next visit to your current one, just sit there and tell him exactly how you feel and what you want. You're not interested in managing the pain or getting back feeling (or whatever) but you want to be "fixed" (or whatever it is you do want). Just tell him. Maybe even ask him how many patients he's had with this condition and what the result of his treatment was. If he can't seem to offer what you need, thank him for his time. That's awfully hard, though.

I understand what you mean about the blessing of certainty. I'd certainly rather this were curable, but emotionally I'd be doing a lot better right now if I knew for sure that it would be permanent. :-/

I want a doctor that will work on contingency -- I pay if I received value! Wouldn't that be a deal worthy of Best Buy? As a society, we revile lawyers, but it's interesting to note that among that group there are some who'll work that way. Doctors, not a one.

Very good point. I think everyone would rather be curable, but you do suffer on the emotional side for a possible future benefit on the physical side. I wonder when the point is where "enough is enough," so to speak? When would people just give up trying new things and settle for maintenance and temporary relief? If the physical condition is cancer or AIDS, that line would be pretty high, I suspect. But with other stuff, it would vary quite a bit.

Working on contingency would be excellent! Although the cynic in me suggests that lawyers are willing to work on contingency for two main reasons: 1) they can pick and choose their clients based on the chances of winning, and 2) "winning" is a lot easier when the concept of settlements in included. My gut feeling is that the only doctor who would ever consider working on contingency would be something like an OB/GYN. Actual conditions that might not respond to treatment are much more lucrative, or at least dependable, paid on an hourly basis. :)

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But I did overdo it

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Too vivid an image

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Nothing Helpful Here

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