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Good Folk
"She's good people." Remember a relative saying that about someone? Even if you'd never met the person, you'd know certain things, just hearing that.
Of course, what it meant probably depended a bit on the speaker. If you know the speaker's values, the speaker's shorthands, the speaker's language, you know some things about the subject. So. What does it mean when *I* say such a thing?
I just started to muse on this because I told a couple of people recently that they were "Good Folk, through and through." I realized after saying this that by some measures I don't know these people all that well. We aren't relatives; we haven't been friends for twenty years; we don't live anywhere near each other or see each other often. But I meant what I said. Why is that?
There are certain traits I like that are fairly apparent on superficial acquaintance. A willingness to make friends, or just to make conversation. A comfort within one's own skin. Taking joy from something in life, whether it's the company of friends or an intriguing puzzle or a really good Cabernet. Self-knowledge. An ability to listen. I like these traits and, all other things being equal, am more comfortable around people who display them than around people who do not.
There are also certain traits I dislike that are obvious in their absence, even in a short time of knowing someone. The tendency to blame others for one's problems. Saying things one does not mean. Being divisive or scornful or arrogant. Letting the reins of one's own life dangle in the dirt. All other things being equal, I'm less comfortable when I see these traits than I am when I don't.
I should note that my own report card, graded on these subjects, would be far from perfect. :-) Still, these are the little grains of sand that build up on one side of the scale until my brain clicks over and says "Y'know, I just *like* this person."
I'll probably think of more. Other people would probably paint an entirely different picture of what Good Folk would mean to them. For my grandma it would have to do with community and/or hospitality. For my mom there would be at least some element of spirituality. It's interesting for me to muse a bit on what it means to me.
I'm grateful for the Good Folk I know.
Of course, what it meant probably depended a bit on the speaker. If you know the speaker's values, the speaker's shorthands, the speaker's language, you know some things about the subject. So. What does it mean when *I* say such a thing?
I just started to muse on this because I told a couple of people recently that they were "Good Folk, through and through." I realized after saying this that by some measures I don't know these people all that well. We aren't relatives; we haven't been friends for twenty years; we don't live anywhere near each other or see each other often. But I meant what I said. Why is that?
There are certain traits I like that are fairly apparent on superficial acquaintance. A willingness to make friends, or just to make conversation. A comfort within one's own skin. Taking joy from something in life, whether it's the company of friends or an intriguing puzzle or a really good Cabernet. Self-knowledge. An ability to listen. I like these traits and, all other things being equal, am more comfortable around people who display them than around people who do not.
There are also certain traits I dislike that are obvious in their absence, even in a short time of knowing someone. The tendency to blame others for one's problems. Saying things one does not mean. Being divisive or scornful or arrogant. Letting the reins of one's own life dangle in the dirt. All other things being equal, I'm less comfortable when I see these traits than I am when I don't.
I should note that my own report card, graded on these subjects, would be far from perfect. :-) Still, these are the little grains of sand that build up on one side of the scale until my brain clicks over and says "Y'know, I just *like* this person."
I'll probably think of more. Other people would probably paint an entirely different picture of what Good Folk would mean to them. For my grandma it would have to do with community and/or hospitality. For my mom there would be at least some element of spirituality. It's interesting for me to muse a bit on what it means to me.
I'm grateful for the Good Folk I know.
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For me, Good People is about being there when the shit hits the fan. Not even to do anything but bear witness, necessarily, but to not look the other way, to be there when it's all over. It means I trust someone enough to let them in on the Awful sometimes. And that I'd be there for them the same way. That they've got my respect, my admiration, and my trust.
There are a lot of steps to get to that point, though, and a lot of things that weed a person right out. Deliberate cruelty's a turn-off. So's excessive arrogance, though a lot of the people I know have very... strong... self-awareness and personality. I think they have to, else they wouldn't be able to deal with my own.
It's hard for me to stick around long enough to deem someone Good People if they bore me. I want to know, and I like learning about, the things that make people passionate, even if they aren't my own passion. If you're not passionate about anything, you might still be Good People, but I probably won't let you get close enough to find out. I understand quiet sensitivity -- if someone doesn't shout, but still shows me they feel about things, that's okay. But if I can't see anything you care about, I can't see anything of what makes you tick, I don't feel safe with you.
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*nod*
I'm not sure I've ever really "been there" for someone in that way. Not sure anyone has for me, either, which indicates that maybe I'm not thinking about it too clearly. :-) But if someone helps me (if only by just standing nearby) when the chips are down, that means a lot.
You also mentioned trust. Though not noted at all in my list, trust is there lurking in the background for me also. I think that's what lies underneath my dislike of some traits.
If I can't see anything a person cares about, I feel like I don't really even know them... regardless of how little or how much time we've spent together. :-/
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I also give a lot of credit for intent, when it can be determined, if the Good Person makes a mistake.
(And I know I've used the label for you and
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Yes. That sort of thing lets me know when, or whether, to trust again. Of course I also take into account whether the person seems to be in control of himself at all -- if intent is always fine but outcome is always bad, I'll add some distance. :-/
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That makes sense.