Signaling

[cjsmith]

This morning I was thinking we need a way to signal straight.

Let's say I'm wanting to flirt with a chick. Let's say I don't know whether she's straight or not, and she doesn't know whether I am either. And it's way too early in this tentative teeny tiny flirtation here for the soul-searing horror of having to BRING IT UP IN CONVERSATION. That might let her know what I'm thinkin', see, and that's scary.

So I can signal not-straight. I can wear rainbow stuff, or triangles (how outdated!), or a number of other things. Some have the added advantage that few non-queer-friendly folk get the message. It's like a secret code. And with every single one of 'em I can deny that I made a point of sending the message at all. Oh, no, I always wear my Michfest T-shirt on odd-numbered Tuesdays.

If I'm in luck, and she's not only not-straight but might be interested, my hypothetical cute gal can signal back. But she doesn't have any code she can send back, subtly, without loss of face on either side, to say she's straight. She can oh-so-casually mention a current or previous boyfriend, but that's awkward -- it commits the sin of bringing the subject closer to ACTUAL CONVERSATION, which as noted before is verboten this early in the game. Plus it does not successfully signal not-bi.

I suggest pinstripes.

Comments

[branwynelf.livejournal.com]

That last line made me choke on my coffee. Not sure why, but it has me giggling.

Pinstripes! Hee!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh good! I have correctly signaled "silly"! :-)

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Being of that particular demographic, of course I've never thought of that - I think being straight is treated similarly to the concepts of darkness and cold (they don't really exist, they're just the absence of something else). I don't think that's right, on several levels, but I don't know if anything else will come up with regard to a different way of treating signalling until societal acceptance of not-straight people improves greatly.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

You've got a VOR continually emitting the silly code, ma'am. ;-)

[palecur.livejournal.com]

How about a taco with the red circle/slash for girls and a hot dog with the red circle/slash for boys?

this is all I could dig up on a quick google image search:

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I know it's treated that way, and in practical terms (for the majority) it even makes sense -- "nine out of ten" don't need the signal. But y'know, the other coupla million folks might like one. So maybe in a place like the San Francisco Bay Area, full of geeky people AND queer-aware folk, we might invent one. I hope it's better than pinstripes though!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. My three-letter identifier is SLY:
...
._..
_.__

My alter ego who goes around killing everyone who displeases me also likes the code SLY. :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

"Boycott Taco Bell" might be a little toooo far on the subtle side. ;-)

[abz6598.livejournal.com]

This morning I was thinking we need a way to signal straight.


A wedding ring would seem a good start.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ain't what mine means.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Oh no it wouldn't.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Maybe it would have to be a pinstriped wedding ring. Y'know, to signal that the person is married and straight. ;-)

I swear I haven't had lots of sugar or caffeine today. This mood is all-natural!

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

Here's how I see the problem:

Chris wants to tap the ass of Terry, but does not know if Terry would welcome said ass tappery from Chris. In this case, the cause of Chris's concern is both that Terry's plumbing is the same as that of Chris and that great big icky sploogey white head on the end of Chris's nose. So Chris performs a socially scripted mating ritual (May I join you for a drink? Would you like to join me for dinner at RESTAURAT REPUTED FOR DIM LIGHT? etc).

The trouble is that the socially scripted mating ritual is vague. Terry may not clue in that an ass tapping attempt is in progress, interpreting the ritual instead as a friendship creation ritual.

Such is the current state of dating.

What you're looking for is a way to do what dating people universally want to do -- remove everyone from the buffet that would not be interested in romantic and/or sexual encounters with you.

When you find this item, patent it, market it, buy gems and precious metals, and take a treasure bath.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Not even.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That's an even better signal! I want to have a worldwide distribution network for T-shirts stating WOULD WELCOME ASS-TAPPERY FROM CJ and WOULD NOT WELCOME ASS-TAPPERY FROM CJ. The former would get you into all the good buffets.

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

For you, the world should wear a t-shirt with the name of the fart that makes them giggle the most in order to attract your attentions.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Or a T-shirt with a really adorable kitten on it. Or something like your usericon, or even a T-shirt stating CLEAVAGE IS POWER. Or clever multilingual puns. Or an Aresti diagram (acro maneuvers). Or...

...maybe this is a bit too much of a window into my psyche for this post. :-)

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

You! You have used this term! Perhaps you can explain it to me!

When you want to "tap someone's ass", does that mean you want to tap it with a light, sharp strike, or you want to tap it like a keg?

[dafydd.livejournal.com]

See, now, when I read the first line of this post, I thought you were going to talk about some idiot driver on the roads...

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, why must I choose? ;)

I have no idea of its origins. My husband's mouth pollutes my pure and decent mind. When he declares in that oh-so-gentlemanly way of his that he wishes to tap someone's ass, he means that he would like to engage in coitus with that person. I suppose that would equate to a keg.

palecur? 'Splain it.

[busysuzy.livejournal.com]

So did I! I guess that goes to show how painfully straight I am! ; )

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Augh! Another great post of mine, thus far unwritten! We need that signal TOO. Along with a (possibly out-of-band) signal for "This driver has no idea what blinking lights happen to be doing on his car, so please ignore them all, both those that blink and those that are currently dark. In fact, honk when you pass, so you wake him up before he misses his exit."

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. I think I've been more often in the position of needing people to do a better job of signalling "not straight". But if this catches on, let me know.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Here I was all set to say, "CJ, meet T_S," forgetting you had. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, in real life I'm so incredibly slow about flirting and such that by the time I know whether I'm interested, I've figured out the other person's sexual orientation and some history and common interests and probably her shoe size as well. And by that time she's moved to Toronto or something.