Signaling

[cjsmith]

This morning I was thinking we need a way to signal straight.

Let's say I'm wanting to flirt with a chick. Let's say I don't know whether she's straight or not, and she doesn't know whether I am either. And it's way too early in this tentative teeny tiny flirtation here for the soul-searing horror of having to BRING IT UP IN CONVERSATION. That might let her know what I'm thinkin', see, and that's scary.

So I can signal not-straight. I can wear rainbow stuff, or triangles (how outdated!), or a number of other things. Some have the added advantage that few non-queer-friendly folk get the message. It's like a secret code. And with every single one of 'em I can deny that I made a point of sending the message at all. Oh, no, I always wear my Michfest T-shirt on odd-numbered Tuesdays.

If I'm in luck, and she's not only not-straight but might be interested, my hypothetical cute gal can signal back. But she doesn't have any code she can send back, subtly, without loss of face on either side, to say she's straight. She can oh-so-casually mention a current or previous boyfriend, but that's awkward -- it commits the sin of bringing the subject closer to ACTUAL CONVERSATION, which as noted before is verboten this early in the game. Plus it does not successfully signal not-bi.

I suggest pinstripes.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I've been hit so hard in the head with that a couple of times, both upsetting someone when asked what kind of expectations went along with a date, and having people get upset with me because they thought my actions indicated dating interest when I was just being friendly. I can rarely spot an indirect flirt, I like verbal flirting in both directions -- and yet, I'm really bad at it.

That might be because I'm fairly conflicted about my own availability and desirability, though.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

having people get upset with me because they thought my actions indicated dating interest when I was just being friendly

Yeah, I used to get this all the @#$!ing time. It happens far less now. I think either I started hanging out with people who don't assume that the world is their wankfantasy, or else I've been scared outta being friendly entirely, or... something. Maybe it's just wearing the wedding band. That scares off the would-be property owners, anyway.

I too am fairly bad at verbal flirting. And when I feel physically safe enough, I'm way TOO good at physical flirting -- again giving a message I didn't (yet?) intend to give. Ah well. I sometimes have the feeling that everyone else figures this out in their teens!

[lcohen]

if it's reassuring at all, you still present as friendly.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yay, thank you! :-) I like "friendly".