Kitty status

[cjsmith]

I looked at the instructions for the Laxatone (petromalt-analogue). It said For Hairball use 1/2 to 1 teaspoonful for 2-3 days. Follow this with 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoonful 2-3 times a week.

Teaspoonful? Oooookay.

I poured a horrifying amount onto my finger. It began oozing off the sides. I think if I left it on too long it would eat its way into my skin and begin crawling up my arm, converting flesh to slime as it went, until eventually my whole body would be a large slowly-moving mass of brown goo. Good kitty-mom that I am, I immediately transferred this threat to jackiecat. One enormous thick smear went down her front leg and the remaining bit I mashed along her ribcage.

She's supposed to lick it off! Right? Any self-respecting... okay, strike that. But isn't that the collective wisdom of cat people everywhere? She'll lick it off? Fool that I am, I had fallen for this. I wondered whether that small sound I could hear was jackiecat cackling.

What did she do? I hear you cry. She ran around like a balloon someone had just let go of, shaking her sticky leg and flinging gobs of disgusting brown goo in all directions. From time to time she would freeze, give me a cornered rabid animal look, and hold her goopy leg up delicately as if it had been injured.

I chucked her in the room with the litterbox. She howled. I ignored her. She scratched at the door. I went in there with my papers from work, sat on the floor, and tried to avoid being distracted by her wounded looks of utter betrayal and her glares promising retribution.

Near midnight her tone changed, and I looked, and she had finally given up and licked off the pitiful amount that was still clinging to her.

Comments

[abenn.livejournal.com]

Poor kitty. Poor you. What an ordeal!

(That's what my cat did, too.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*chuckle* Some of 'em just KNOW how to be difficult, don't they?

[anisoptera.livejournal.com]

Poor kitty, poor CJ. I hope she will get used to it soon.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and I hope so too! (Lesson learned: give her her antibiotic first. Much more pleasant to hang on to a nonsticky kitty.)

[cmpriest.livejournal.com]

i tried to warn ya.
this is how it happened the first time we gave it to spainy. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/fourandtwenty/99551.html)
(on my old, now abandoned journal)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Indeed you did. I just wish that once it was on her, she had had any interest at all in getting it back off her. (er, in her.)

By the way, Woolite "heavy traffic" foamy crap gets that stuff out of carpet in a jiffy. :)

[cmpriest.livejournal.com]

thanks for the tip ;-)
oxyclean does a fairly good job too ... as it turns out.

[firecat]

agh! sorry. maybe a smaller dollop several times a day instead of one huge dollop?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I mostly wrote this report to be humorous... an adult human running around cleaning up the sticky goo thrown aside by an annoyed kitty. :-) I like the idea of multiple smaller dollops. Fortunately a weekend is coming! I'll be home to try that.

Rob's also picking up fish flavored Petromalt today. Fingers crossed here.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Holy gods I miss my cat. Thanks for posting this, and making me laugh.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Y'welcome! Sorry to hear you miss your kitty, though. :-/ That's rough.

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

your cat sure hates laxatone, too. oh dear god, he makes the most evil, horrified face when he sees the tube. you'd think i was trying to kill him!! i DID manage to smear some on his paws once (with help from another, stronger, adult) and he did just like jackie: ran helter-skelter through the house, flinging his paws around, sending the goopy stuff flying through the air. i found it all over the upstairs landing when i moved out. it's like getting tar off a car.

I think i'll try the people-tuna-in-oil trick. or the mix-cooking-oil-in-the-wet-food trick.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I shouldn't laugh but I am. :) In case you ever care again, it's a LOT easier to clean off when it's fresh, as its malt-water-soluble-ness is still working. I did need Woolite foamy stuff for the carpet though.

I'll try the people-tuna-in-oil if fish-flavor petromalt doesn't hit the spot.

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

i cleaned up what i could see at the time, but i had no idea he'd flung that stuff so far and wide. it wasn't til the furniture was out of the house that i found little sticky brown spots on the walls in weird places.

luckily, the worst of hairball season is over, and now that it's cold out, both boys are wanting to snuggle on my lap, making it easier for me to brush them.

i should try the Woolite foamy stuff on the plethora of stains from hairballs past. :P

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

i cleaned up what i could see at the time, but i had no idea he'd flung that stuff so far and wide.

Yeah, I figgered somehow. I may be in the same boat for all I know.

[ericainohio.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO! Oh, I have soooo been there, done that with my kitties. My 25-pound Maine Coon, in particular, will NOT lower himself to lick anything off his paws/body. He much prefers to track it around and get rid of it that way.

I literally groaned, "Oh no!" when you said you threw the sticky cat in the room with the litterbox. I was just SURE your next sentence was going to say something about having a cat that looked a lot like a caramel apple rolled in nuts. You know, petromalt-covered cat rolled in cat litter. Mmmm, mmmm, good!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ohh yes! Tracking it around is far better from the cat's point of view!

I think if Jackie had been a bit more conniving and a bit less ticked she just might have done the caramel apple trick. :-)

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

CJ, read these instructions on How to Give a Cat a Pill (http://www.catclinic.co.uk/fun/givepill.htm). They're very helpful. :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I've seen those! Aren't they frighteningly believable? :-)

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

Yes! I figured you'd probably seen them before, but I thought reading them right now would help give you a smile. :-)

=HUG=

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It sure did! Thanks! :)

[dizzdvl.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry in advance.

Hahahahaha! I can see that!

I was always told to put it in small doses on a cat's nose and they will lick it off because they don't like the feeling.

Ok, I am laughing at your pain. I'm sorry.

*snicker*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I wrote it hoping it would be funny. :-) Cats and their antics never cease to surprise me, even though I've lived with cats since I was born!

[dizzdvl.livejournal.com]

It's still making me giggle. My cat is right here looking at me as if I am insane that I would find such indignity amusing. ;)

[rampling.livejournal.com]

I feel so very lucky that Mira loves her Petromalt. I give it to her as a treat! I hope the fish-flavored stuff does the trick.

[moropus.livejournal.com]

Will she eat bacon fat? Even the meaty part of the bacon is so high in grease it could help. That's all petromalt is, grease in a tube.