I haven't flown an airplane in months. My biennial flight review will be due by summer and I'm so rusty that I'll need some dual in order to pass it. Why am I not flying? Time isn't the issue any more, and if I'm honest with myself money isn't THAT strong an obstacle either. No, it's my confidence.
I know when the problem started. With less than 200 hours in my logbook I began training in the Pitts S-2B, one of the feistiest, most lovable, most cursable aircraft in general aviation. Fifty hours later I still couldn't land the thing. To be more precise, my landings were safe and were even good, but my instructor kept saying the approaches (pattern work) weren't consistent enough and maybe he'd sign me off to solo next lesson. He loved my airwork; my aerobatic maneuvers were good and my spin recoveries were quick and sure. It was just those landings, he said. Surely next time. After six weeks of hearing that, I gave up, my bank balance low and my confidence shattered. From then on I felt I was merely pretending to be a pilot.
Fifty hours! Am I unteachable? Did I merely have an instructor who couldn't communicate to me what he wanted? Did I try a difficult thing too early in my flying career? (And if so, what does it mean that I can immediately and almost instinctively recover from an incipient inverted spin, something most pilots would find difficult?) Have my patterns or landings always been flaky, enough to squeak by on the checkride but not really reliable? Until I get another instructor and get back in that airplane, I may never know.
The question of money creeps in here, as a side issue. This airplane is expensive to rent. If another instructor can indeed show me what the issues are, I'll spend a bunch of money just regaining skills I once had, before mastering those landings. But if a new instructor doesn't solve the problem, it'll be many dollars spent before I know. I'm reluctant to take the chance that I'd just be throwing that money away.
Plus of course the airport with the Pitts is forty-five minutes away, and I'm lazy.
A big factor I can't deny, though, is that I'm chicken. I'm reluctant to risk finding out I can't do it (or can't learn before the money runs out).