Dear So-and-So, It's Not Me, It's You

Dear Perfume User,

Please please PLEASE do not spray large volumes of perfume in the ladies' room. It gets into the entire ventilation system at work - as it is right now. My entire sinus area clogs up. That's very annoying. Besides, it stinks! At least pick a better brand!

With feeling,
Nose In The Air

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Dear Ventilation System Designer,

Did you see that last letter? The bathroom is upwind of the main office space?? You're a MORON.

Ever so kindly,
Someone Who Doesn't Like Those Smells

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Dear Software Development Team,

Quit picking code freeze dates you KNOW you can't reach. It only makes more work for everybody.

Frustratedly,
One Individual Contributor

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Dear CJ,

Get off LJ this minute. You have way too much to do.

Sternly,
Your Conscience

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Dear Conscience,

Sit on it.

CJ

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Dear Aviat Aircraft Incorporated,

Are you sure you don't want these wonderful fine stock certificates in return for a new Pitts S-2C? They were worth a lot more than that aircraft's purchase price a year ago. They're still very beautifully printed with lots of nice colors. No? You're sure? They could be worth a lot some day. You could be passing up a fine bargain. Positive? See how pretty they are...

Disappointedly,
CJ

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Dear Monogram Extra-Super-Cheap-and-Crunchy Facial Tissue,

Sandpaper is better. At least only one side hurts.

Tenderly,
My Nose

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Dear Everybody,

Wow. I feel a lot better now.

Me