i am so sorry that that's your experience. i've been luckier than you and i'm trying to think why that is and i think that part of it is that almost all my cis dude friends who are helpful and affirming and inclusive are approx 15 years or more younger than i am. which gives me hope for the next generation but yeah, cis dudes around my own age expect me to be a totally different type of person and will frequently let me know that :( .